Another “Lysa-ism” in a book of hers I’ve been reading was this: “We can’t move forward with God when our past keeps pulling us down.” I have heard this said in different ways a lot over the past couple years. Part of me would say, “Boy, that is true.” The other part of me would just ignore this truth. Why? Because I had been battling with self-_____ (basically any thing negative could fill in this space) as I tried to move past a certain entanglement. My mind would think nothing other than consuming negative, hard to swallow, thoughts. I was mad. Confused. Disappointed. Emotionally wrecked. Embarrassed. Couldn’t understand. Felt like a failure.
After about a year into this distraught, I was reading A Confident Heart by Renee Swope. She opened up and shared a difficult story about how she let her pride get in the way of sharing what God has done in her life with others, who have gone through similar circumstances. I felt that God was screaming at me as I read line after line in regards to pride. Talk about humbling. “Hello, Kristin!!!! You aren’t alone. You aren’t the first person that has gone through this...” I burst into tears. That same day, I received two text messages...one from a vet school buddy wanting to catch up, a friend I hadn’t talked to in over a year...and the other from an amazing mentor of mine. This precious sister of mine and I made a phone date...and then, I immediately called my mentor. Oh both of these were glorious “God winks!” It was the first time in a while that I accepted and faced the wall of truth...not being able to pass my veterinary boards. A huge fear of mine that came true! The truth that was so hard to swallow for months on end. I cried happy tears as a mentor said, “Why aren’t we celebrating and partying that you haven’t passed? You’ve been so busy and extremely happy doing work for Our Lord that you probably wouldn’t have had the opportunity to do if you were stuck in a clinic 24-7. This is only a minor part of God’s HUGE giant story He’s written for you. God knows best!” Once I shared my story with my friend (who was in the exact same boat I was) during our phone date, I realized that it was time to move past all the mess. God was turning “my mess into a message.” It was time to start to pull my secret out, the one that I was so ashamed of, and knew that if anybody found out, I would be judged, rumors would spread, it’d be gossip mania, etc. You get the gist.
Now, as I have grown even more in my relationship with God, I know my circumstance wasn’t just a coincidence. These last two years have added to my testimony! I have been able to finally turn my thoughts past my own healing to helping others in my same situation. (And God has given me the opportunity to do so!) Yes, it’s still scary to think about what others will think or how they will respond. I’ve decided to not waste energy or dwell on that worry anymore. Instead, I will share my story as God has guided me...and I am going to lean on Him and trust Him in doing so. Yes, I have cried with others and been scared to death as I share about boards. Ten times out of 10 though, it becomes super clear that we end up going through something so that we can glorify God when we share how He’s helped us through the difficult (or wonderful) times! One of my life verses these last two years has been Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who has been called according to his purpose.” I have so many examples that show how God has used multiple things these past couple years to work for His good (and mine)! I’ll share more of that later.
In Becoming More Than A Good Bible Story Girl, Lysa, points out how others can be healed and restored by sharing our past. It’s true! “Will you go? Will you share your story...the good and the bad? Will you allow God to comfort you and then take that comfort to help comfort others? I think you’ll find that you are the one who is doubly blessed.” She goes on to say (I have paraphrased) that You will see another layer of your life purpose unfolding and become clearer about the person God has created us to be,...” That’s another “Amen, Sister” as I read that paragraph. Once again, God spoke so loudly and clearly to me...hence what has led me in posting this entry.
Even though God has placed so much on my heart and has taught me more than I ever imagined in such a short time frame, I will end here for now. Additional stories will have to wait until another time. (I can't wait to share more!!!) In closing, I am constantly praising Him for allowing me to hear Him speak to me, for loving me, and for being able to feel His arms wrapped around me! Praising Him for giving me friends and family, who haven’t stopped loving me/us no matter what we’re going through... Thank you for your constant prayers and encouragement. Hey, I’m happy to FINALLY be moving forward 100%. Do you have something in your world that is stopping you from moving forward completely?
Hey Girl, I feel like such a failed friend. Like I should have known, or realized, but this isn't about me. I can only imagine what it feels like to go through what we went through and then not pass. I'm glad that you are understanding of the hiccup in what you thought was your path, and are accepting that it wasn't His plan. I sometimes feel like a mistake brought me to Georgia, but I know that God just needed to get me to Georgia to do a little work on me, and you had such an important part in that. We were destined to meet from Day 1 when you came with me when I had to run home for lunch. You have always been an inspiration for me. Even though you may feel like it was 4 years wasted, you being at UGA was very important to me and helped me in so many ways to build my relationship with Him. I do not know what God's plan for you is now, but I know that in whatever it is, you will shine. I love you, and JESUS!!!
Hey Kristen,
I was so afraid to read what this post was going to be about. You had me so worried. I am very concerned about your circumstance, but relieved to find out that you are healthy and in good spirit. I share Michaela's sentiment and I keep thinking back to the spiritual battleground that vet school was (and is for others right now) and how you were always on the frontline of God's army, always encouraging everyone else, always smiling and looking up and bringing people together in fellowship. And you still are!!! If I only knew what you were going through, in your time of trouble, I would have tried to be of some encouragement. You have God as your strong fortress though, and as you stated, your circumstance is not a coincidence. God's power is made perfect in weakness. Don't think lightly about the impact of your steadfast Faith and diligent prayer on others. I pray that your gift for bringing Jesus into people's lives continues and grows. Your prize for magnifying He who was hung on a cross will dwarf anything that can be hung on a wall.
You are a blessing!